Let me start by sharing my journey into mindfulness and meditation, I’ve been meditating on and off since I was 18 because a number of things had happened in my life. I had difficult emotions that I did not know how to cope with. I tried distracting myself but it did not work, I was still miserable and someone suggested meditation and I thought that sitting crossed leg would drive all my problems away well nothing really changed because I was never consistent.
Fast forward many years later when I had become a mom and trying to figure out motherhood I drove to Costco one day with my then four-year-old son.
You know how when you park and there’s a spot in front that’s available and you move the car up front so you don’t have to back up the car and it’s easy to leave. I did the same thing. I didn’t see a lady waiting for that spot until I parked. The lady started yelling at me and that got me all hooked I was filled with thoughts. Thoughts went spiraling into …how could I do that? What was I thinking? , what would she think of me? And then I started blaming that lady in the head that it was her fault, she was a mean lady blah blah blah…
I finished shopping, loaded my car, started my car and began to move and I heard a bang on my car door so I turn and look, it was my son. I had forgotten to put him in the car seat. I stopped the car, put my son inside the car started crying with overwhelming feelings of guilt. Once I calmed down, I started asking myself what had just happened. Well, I had let my mind take control of me. Because I was inside my head I did not pay attention to what was actually happening. My mind had hijacked me from reality and had followed a stranger for hours instead of enjoying a quiet afternoon tasting samples at Costco. Well, isn’t this the story of all of us, a frown from our neighbor, co-worker or a family member and we go into this whirlpool of thinking that something is wrong, that we are in trouble or we are not liked. Our thoughts are not reality checked, they are the movies playing in their head. Well, this kind of living was not working for me anymore. Not only did I get serious about meditation I also started researching and this is what I found..
We have around 70,000 thoughts per day about 3,000 per hour. The times when we get emotionally hooked meaning stressed or anxious or worried due to the situation, the number and speed of thoughts increases.Our brain is millions of years old. The evolutionary need of our brain was to sense fear if and when they were a predatory danger, for example, if there was a wild animal nearby we had to have fight or flight response, we had to make the decision to fight, run or hide in order to survive. We live now in cities and don’t have the danger anymore but we fear disconnection and judgment from people. None of which calls for a fight or flight response.
The moment we react to any condition in our world that tends to be threatening whether the threat is real or imagined our body releases stress hormones in order to mobilize enormous amount of energy in response to that threat .when this occurs the body moves out of balance in that’s exactly what stress is. Back in the days of early humans, of course, this response was a good thing. It was adapted. it kept us alive and we had focused our attention on the cause and when the danger had passed, the levels of all those stress hormones went back into balance,
But in modern times this that’s no longer the case after just one phone call or email from a boss or a family member that elicits a strong emotional reaction such as anger, frustration, fear anxiety, sadness, guilt and we turn on the primitive fight or flight nervous system causing us to react as if we were being chased by a predator. The same chemistry automatically stays switched on because the external threat never seems to go away the truth is that many of us spend the majority of our time in the state of heightened arousal, it becomes chronic. It is as though the predator is not out there in the wild making an occasional toothy appearance, (but is instead living in the same cave as we are- a toxic coworker whose desk is right next to ours for example.
Also anytime we decide something is important we are going to feel fear and anxiety around it. When we go into fear and anxiety the brain is getting some signal and is launching into fight and flight response without our consent. This very automatic. There is no buffer between the thought and the reaction. Series of fight and flight responses are going to go off in our body. They are chemical reactions. The digestive system floods with hydrochloric acid that shuts down the digestion so we can focus completely. Glucose is released into the bloodstream for more energy. Hydrochloric acid makes our skin acidic so we don’t taste good in case we are bitten by the wild animal, and our blood will thicken so we do not bleed to death. Heart starts beating faster. Cortisol, the bodies stress hormone goes up. Immune system shuts down and our vision narrows.
Mindfulness is paying attention, being aware. First, we have to witness these movies in our heads in order to change it. To be able to say no that’s not working for me and choose differently. The ability to know what’s happening in our heads at any given moment without getting carried away by it. It’s about stepping back and seeing our thoughts clearly without judgment. Thoughts which leads to the feeling and which in turn leads to behaviors which get us results.
We use the same mind to focus, be creative, be resourceful and experience happiness contentment, joy, kindness .when we pay attention and listen to the stories we can actually change it and the feeling eventually calms down. In mindfulness practice, the brains fight or flight center the amygdala appears to shrink. It is a primal region of the brain associated with fear and emotion involved in the initiation of the body’s response to stress.
Let me tell you what happened the other day.
I was called into the HR office one time, you know it’s like being called into the principal’s office. I reacted by having thoughts of panic. My mind went, “you are in danger” As I started to walk towards the HR office I started to feel nervous. I could feel the nervousness kicking in. My heart rate going up. My mind went “omg omg did I do anything wrong? I think I did something wrong, they are going to warn me, and that means they don’t like me, then they will fire me, I will not have any money, I might be homeless and what will people think of me then? ”Instead of thinking about food and shelter I was worried about what people will think.
This is what my internal dialogue. Now because of practicing meditation I was able to notice the discomfort in me. I immediately caught the spiraling thoughts and stopped by the breakroom to calm myself. I paid attention to my mind that was freaking out and purposefully slowed. Thinking about how I don’t know what it is going to be about and that it is going to be fine. The fear thing wanted to kick in and I was like “no way”, you are not allowed to be scared about something you don’t know yet. As I paid attention, my nerves calmed down and I walked into the room to find out that the HR only need some information regarding a mentorship program.
I am telling you this as an example of bringing my mind from running wild into the future and creating anxiety into the present moment of calmness.
It does not matter whether our job is big or small we get nervous because we want to do our best, be our best and be liked. This is our passion and when those nerves kick in we want to acknowledge them, that yeah I want to do my best and then acknowledge all that happens in our body. It’s an automatic response and our bodies are trying to protect us. We just feel it and allow ourselves to be nervous or anxious instead of trying not to be nervous and pretending that you are not. If we push it down it will become more and if we ignore it will become louder as kids. Those of you that have kids know what I am talking about.
To have a great connection and bond we have to pay attention and listen to the other person for that we have to get out of our head. To problem solve and perform our best we have to get out of the fear our mind creates and pay attention to the problem. To be a better mom I had to watch my thoughts “about” motherhood being a competition to see who had the smartest kids, the cleanest house, and the healthiest dinners and pay attention to the journey with my child. Which means being present while enjoying samples together at Costco with him.
Next time you feel the fear, just feel it put all your attention where ever the sensation is the strongest. Heart, stomach or hands when you do this a body will know that you’re paying attention listening to it and the sensation might increase a little but eventually it will quiet down doing so you’re coming to the present moment. Feel what you’re feeling, taste what you’re tasting and this will bring us to the right while dissolving the fear naturally, then you can walk confidently into the meeting or gathering and be your true best self. While mindfulness is not a magical quick fix where it is going to make us immune to the challenges of life but if we created a daily practice to be more present to life, we’ll feel more moments of satisfaction, joy, and happiness and then you can respond wisely to the things that happen instead of being lost in thought, be distracted or react blindly. That my friends is a superpower.
Its beautifully written….i love the stick man drawing.:)